Feedback is the lifeblood of effective leaders. Making the giving, receiving, and inviting of effective feedback a part of your team’s culture can have a transformational effect. Unfortunately, feedback is so often delivered (and accepted) poorly, and it needn’t be.
Leadership and management training courses often cover the delivery of effective feedback but not actively inviting it. As leaders, if you want to create a true learning culture where feedback flows freely, the best way to achieve this is to go first and ask for it. But what is the best way to ask for it, and to teach others how to structure it? Below is some information to help you, and others, structure the delivery of effective feedback.
The psychology of feedback
Feedback is often labeled as either constructive, negative, critical, developmental, or positive. We’d like to offer two simple categories that ensure your feedback stays focussed on behaviours:
- Keep doing
- Do differently
From a psychological perspective, it’s important that feedback is balanced. What do we mean by balanced? More ‘keep doing’ than ‘do differently’. A lot more! 5 parts keep doing to 1 part do differently is what you are aiming to give out. If you want to develop healthy self-esteem in children then it’s 7:1! Why? The weight of any do differently feedback is so heavy that we need to stack the scales with a lot more keep doing just to keep them balanced.
In the past you may have been taught the praise burger method (also known as the sh*t sandwich). This method teaches you to deliver a layer of positive feedback, then a layer of constructive feedback, followed by another layer of positive. If you have been taught this method, unlearn it right now! Why? Research points to failing marriages and relationships using this ratio of 2:1. 2:1 is simply not enough for healthy, trusting relationships, and to promote high levels of self-esteem. And one of your roles as a leader is to do exactly this.
Structuring your feedback
Ask for permission – “Can I have your opinion on something please?” or if you want to share your thoughts, perhaps “Can I share with you some of my thoughts on the meeting we had earlier today?”
Intention – frame it. Give it purpose and meaning e.g., “I’m currently working on developing my skills in ‘x’, and I’d really value your thoughts.” or “I’d like our communication to be as clear as possible so that we deliver the best result for the client.”
Describe the situation – It’s important that the person delivering the feedback clearly states the situation/context. That is, the when and the where; the time and the place.
Define the behaviour – It is important that feedback focusses on specific, identifiable behaviours; an action that you can see, hear or experience in others. It needs to be stated clearly and without judgement.
State the impact – it is important to link the behaviour to an impact. It might be emotional, physical, financial or something else. What was the consequence of the behaviour. If we are aware of the consequence of our behaviours we can make more informed decisions to either keep doing these behaviours or modify them.
- SBI example – inviting: “At the start of the meeting (situation), I consciously went around the room and asked every team member to share their concerns about the project (behaviour). How did that land with you? (impact)”
- SBI example – keep doing: “At the start of the meeting (situation), I noticed that you went around the room and asked every team member to share their concerns about the project (behaviour). This was new, and I liked it. It got everyone to open up and uncovered some important issues which were able to resolve before they got out of hand (impact).”
- SBI example – do differently: “At the start of the meeting (situation), I noticed that you went around the room and asked every team member to share their concerns about the project, apart from me (behaviour). I wanted to let you know as I felt left out and excluded from the conversation. (impact)”
Do or do differently – make it clear if you want them to keep doing the behaviour or to do something differently next time.
- SBI example – keep doing: “At the start of the meeting (situation), I noticed that you went around the room and asked every team member to share their concerns about the project (behaviour). This was new, and I liked it. It got everyone to open up and uncovered some important issues which were able to resolve before they got out of hand (impact). Please keep doing it as it added some real value (keep doing)”
- SBI example – do differently: “At the start of the meeting (situation), I noticed that you went around the room and asked every team member to share their concerns about the project, apart from me (behaviour). I wanted to let you know as I felt left out and excluded from the conversation (impact). Can you make sure you include me next time? (do differently)”
Make it a discussion – ask questions like “what are your thoughts?” or “what was happening for you?”
Gratitude – thank the other person for offering their feedback and thoughts.
Do
- Ask for clarification if anything is vague
- Understand that you may have to teach others how to give effective feedback. Forgive them if it isn’t well packaged at first.
- Say thank you. You might not like the feedback or agree with it. You don’t have to. Like any gift, just say ‘thank you’. What you do with it after the conversation has ended is up to you.
Don’t
- use the feedback sandwich (positive, constructive, positive). If you have ‘keep doing’ feedback to give, give it. If you have ‘do differently’ feedback to give, give it.
- Save your feedback for a mass unloading.
- Justify, debate, or defend your world. This is usually a learned reaction.